Cameron Diaz's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
Cameron Diaz

[ website | I'm just fucking with you, Ted ]

[ userinfo | read it, learn it, live it ]

[06 Jun 2007|12:12am]
see michelle? another update, i left some comments, i already hit on ethan---BACK. make me icons. i had my first conversation about a nice boy named John's penis size. i feel like i never left.
4 got fucked up | You want a piece of me? | Disclaimer

[05 Jun 2007|12:22am]
[ mood | touched ]

how it do nephew? i'm pretty high right now so i'll probably take this back in the morning but whatev-ican't believe i rememberd the password. now i need some new icons and what not. LKJSDf;asldfkjas;kflja;,<#3333333<333333 Michelle is Ethan still around, will you ask him if we can make out a little. hi sanoe <3 even if amy poehler WAS my sister i'd so take her out back and have my way with her. YUM.

13 got fucked up | You want a piece of me? | Disclaimer

[02 Jan 2005|09:55am]
new years eve was awesome. i got so drunk that i had to walk to sanoe's and when i got there i made everyone take their pants off BECAUSE HELLO? i was appalled anyone had any on anyways. fucking amateurs.

the night is a blur but i do remember touching everyone at the party inappropriately at least once. i hope no one was offended and more importantly no one was underage. when michelle came up to me and said we were out of tequila i slapped her across the face the way luke wilson slaps matt walsh in old school, and then i apologized and told her to send a helicopter to tijuana for more. we all laughed and drank a few corona's by way of beer bong instead.

jared promised to make out with me at midnight and i hope he is the person i made out with until 6am, if not i'm sorry to whoever it was. or i guess instead of sorry i should be saying thank you! i like making out and i wish adam brody and his girlfriend would do it with me at the same time (make out) like a triple kiss. god i think i am still drunk.

it shocks and saddens me that not everyone is as in love with ethan hawke as i am. it should be everyone's new years resolution to love him more. i ask him to marry me about every 4th entry and i know one of these days he is going to be intoxicated enough to say yes.
10 got fucked up | You want a piece of me? | Disclaimer

[12 Dec 2004|03:27pm]
well i re-newed my paid account because i felt guilty everytime justin used his justin diaz icon and i couldn't use mine in return. that is reason enough for anyone to get a paid account in my opinion. i still am confused as to why ethan hawke won't marry me and i am considering sleeping with eminem because of this dreamy comment he left me:

2004-12-11 22:54 (link) We'll do it in the middle-a rose petals 'n' I'll play some soft music, you'll never wanna leave my asterisks. ;)

No, seriously, you oughta come 'round more.

i will sign on tonight, ethan hawke and eminem and i decided at least one but preferably both of you to throw yourselves at me mercifully. michelle do we have enough tequila for sanoe's bachelorette party or do i need to make another trip to tijuana? paying 5 times the price is ridiculous when you can get it for like a quarter and tank full of gas. hey i didn't become hollywood's highest paid actress by paying retail.
23 got fucked up | You want a piece of me? | Disclaimer

[26 Nov 2004|01:31am]
4 got fucked up | You want a piece of me? | Disclaimer

[08 Nov 2004|07:00pm]
well james said i am a once every three weeks kind of girl, so i didn't want to disappoint him. i am excited to be one of sanoe's bridesmaids which means michelle and i are going to have to get together and plan her bachelorette party naked covered in whipped cream. speaking of that who are the other bridesmaids? i hope rob williams is one because he has always looked like a lot of fun.

you know those shirts that people are getting made that say mrs. clooney or mrs. timberlake in that old english font? i want one that says i like to fart or maybe one that says mrs. hawke or mrs. knoxville.

the episode of friends is on where chandler is depressed because his girlfriend cheated on him so he won't get out of his sweatpants or leave the house. hello? why do you have to wait to get dumped to not leave the house and wear sweatpants. some people are just totally un-creative. back to farting, i am going to get tacos and margaritas with christina applegate sometime soon and i am excited. she is the dirtiest girl i know next to michelle rodriguez. also today i saw a bumper sticker that said bring back monica lewinsky which confused me a little.

happy late birthday, ethan hawke, mmmmm. who are you dating right now? would they mind if we made out? if they are hot they can join in. hopefully i will always be your semi-platonic girlfriend on the side.
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congratulations sanoe :-* and congratulations ME [15 Oct 2004|03:53pm]
My lj wedding by chynafox
you will marryadrien_brody
flower girlmrkilborn
best mandebra_messing
you will have your last fling withceline_angelil
secretly wants to marry you themselfpoehler
date of the weddingMarch 8, 2007
number of times you do it on your wedding night4
Quiz created with MemeGen!

haha wait i don't know which one i like better

My lj wedding by chynafox
you will marryr________martin
flower girlrobertsjulia
best manwjrobson
you will have your last fling withryan_d
secretly wants to marry you themselfknoxville_j
date of the weddingSeptember 1, 2037
number of times you do it on your wedding night31
Quiz created with MemeGen!
23 got fucked up | You want a piece of me? | Disclaimer

[21 Sep 2004|01:47am]
justin's mom won't stop cockblocking

my favorite line is will he look back and think that he should have been on a blow-out with the boys?"


~congratulations britney~

i guess you win you whore. hey kevin, since britney is with my ex-boyfriend who i've been trying to bone but he doesn't catch the hint, and my fake boyfriend is doing men want to hang out?

yes this was an update. i am in south africa with ethan hawke and i'm not leaving until he makes out with me. i'm not sure if he's single or not but i don't really care.
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[12 Sep 2004|11:40pm]
justin took me to one of his bandmates weddings and the best part was the plane ride home. let's just say despite a written warning from the captain i am still the un-disputed burping contest champion and no one will ever change that.

then there is the matter of last night where i made out with adam brody. he is a super guy and today we went on our second date to hooters for wings and pitchers of bud light. i am and will continue to be a classy girl until the day i die. being justin's girlfriend doesn't leave a lot of free time to date so it's really convenient that our new men happen to live together. really justin we should have thought of this a long time ago.

look, justin is grabbing my ass. with a totally posessed look on his face. i can't really blame him, my ass has that effect on people. someone come over and teach me how to play poker. i'm going to start signing my entries.

cam <3
10 got fucked up | You want a piece of me? | Disclaimer

[30 Aug 2004|06:48am]
today i am 32 and that is so freaking awesome i could just die. for my birthday all i want is a guy whose last name is a bird with an extra syllable at the end. but noooo.

in all seriousness, today i am taking michelle and sanoe and justin surfing and afterwards we are going to sit on my balcony without pants on and throw all of my patio furniture in my pool while doing shots of every hard liquor known to man. i really would like to re-create the v-day mechanical bull extravaganza, but i'm on the mechanical bull rental blacklist after returning that one covered in various fluids belonging to johnny knoxville.

but we'll try as hard as we can. so everyone come over, because pretty soon we are going to start setting stuff on fire and i am going to call britney and tell her justin and i got married in vegas and ask her how she likes them apples. hey britney, we are having a snow machine at our wedding and i dare you to top that spears.
17 got fucked up | You want a piece of me? | Disclaimer

[11 Aug 2004|11:55pm]
THANK GOD justin and i are engaged now, i have something to update about. the real reason we are engaged is because he wants to beat britney down the aisle. they are both such divas. tommorrow i am going to ask her if she can get ordained and marry us in her backyard.

hmm, let's see. besides following justin around everywhere (or does he follow me?), i paint my nails a new color everyday (or does someone paint them for me?), and i've been doing tons of topless surfing with sanoe while michelle watches from the shore with a bottle in her hand and a glaze in her eye. we aren't as close as we were last year at this time, because she has a new group of friends that all do acid. or do i do acid and none of them do? whatever.

pamela anderson was just on howard stern and they gave her a lie detector test and she said that tommy and kid rock's packages were almost equal in size. what a great day for kid rock and for me when i get his number. speaking of large in size jared and i are going to go surfing and kiss on our surfboards (sanoe taught me how <3) so that i can get him on the cover of US weekly.

remember that episode of wildboyz where they were in the cable car and pontius farted and it made stevo throw up? that was hilarious and awesome. it is my new lifes ambition to get someone to throw up simply by the smell of my gas. god i hope everyone stopped reading paragraphs ago and didn't just see that. i too am clueless as to why i am single.
14 got fucked up | You want a piece of me? | Disclaimer

[26 Jul 2004|06:15pm]
haha here is what i did this weekend. it was so awesome and for the kids and stuff and i groped justin timberlake and other boy band members including lindsay lohan, all in the name of children.

sorry no boobs this timeCollapse )
16 got fucked up | You want a piece of me? | Disclaimer

GAME ON TIMBERLAKE [20 Jul 2004|02:55pm]
Gyllenhall, Dunst call it quits; Diaz, Timberlake still on

michelle, where are my god damn icons you stupid fucking bitch. i remember the days when having a real party meant you woke up the next day and johnny knoxville's car is in your backyard and there is a thong that has ethan stitched into it laying on the kitchen floor that no one will claim.

anyways. i was watching some thing on vh1 probably that talked about how lindsay lohan and hilary duff wanted each other to die over aaron carter. to this i say LADIES, have his balls even dropped? come on now. he's a strange looking child and could probably pass as my little brother.

someone make me icons before i waste an entire paid account with only 4. and make sure i look hot in them.
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[12 Jul 2004|05:27pm]

for your birthday i am bringing you Justin Timberlake. He is all yours for the night. Trust me this is a great present and I won't take no for an answer from either of you. ENJOY!
3 got fucked up | You want a piece of me? | Disclaimer

[08 Jul 2004|11:10pm]
hi guys. just so you don't have to search for my kinky sex tape pictures i'll be a gracious host and just post them for you:

these are as low quality as the film but enjoyCollapse )
18 got fucked up | You want a piece of me? | Disclaimer

let's turn this turn this subject line out [22 Jun 2004|01:39am]
what do you do when the timing is always off? the man of your dreams is always dating someone, who, by the way is totally wrong for him. he could do so much better, he deserves so much better. and when he's not busy dating someone totally wrong for him, you are.

i'm sick of waiting around, and if you want me to stop fucking around and tell you how i really feel, give me some sort of sign. otherwise i guess we can just wait for the opportunity to present itself and for the timing to be more appropriate, but i'm not a very patient person.

anyways. if this doesen't work out i'm going on tour with the beastie boys. i wonder if they'll notice. hi michelle and sanoe.
6 got fucked up | You want a piece of me? | Disclaimer

[25 May 2004|12:15pm]
thanks to everyone who commented to my last entry and supported my return. i would reply but i'm incredibly lazy.

i love the new beastie boys video for a magnitude of reasons, but mostly because the video ends with them blowing up. it's probably because i have the jackass dvd's on repeat at all times, but blowing things up makes a video or a tv show so much more interesting/better. like on the friends finale, right before it ends and they are all standing around staring at the empty apartment-it was the perfect time for an explosion. i actually held my breath and anticipated something of the sort, and when it didn't i laughed and did another shot of tequila. oh well.

lindsay lohan, i am sending over a little something called double sided tape.

i'm so disconnected from the world, i have no idea what my friends are up to. michelle has definitely lost her mind but that's okay. when i saw her the other night on celebrities uncensored telling the cameramen to tape her fart, i was relieved to see that she has not totally lost it and there is still some rodriguez charm left in her.
15 got fucked up | You want a piece of me? | Disclaimer

[15 May 2004|04:32pm]
hi there! i guess i've finally found out how intoxicated i have to be to start updating this thing again, who knew?

i left this place hating most of you and to be honest i can't remember why anymore. if you want to refresh my memory that's fine with, and if you want to leave it in the past that's fine too.

in the past 8 months i've led an incredible journey of self-discovery. and by self-discovery i mean i found out exactly how many shots of tequila it takes to not remember the entire week prior, and to get kicked out of the san diego zoo. i've been justin timberlakes decoy girlfriend for so long and he's been my decoy girlfriend for so long that i think we are common law married in a few select southern states.

in conclusion, i would now like to invite michelle and ethan over for pantsless office chair races. oh and johnny knoxville too, your car is still in my yard from last time.

clickyCollapse )
28 got fucked up | You want a piece of me? | Disclaimer

[15 Aug 2003|12:25am]
i read some amazing things in maxim blender today while i was getting my car fixed or whatever they do when it runs out of oil.

led zeppelin IV was the first album i stole

christina has been making out with pamela anderson? WHY WON'T YOU MAKE OUT WITH ME?

-in australia, an anti-lavigne campaign picketed her brisbane show. the singer, in turn gave the crowd the finger and told them to fuck off.
i think she's retarded, said a dj at the melbourne's fox FM. that's the only explanation.

exscuse me, but avril does not have an extra chromosome.
3 got fucked up | You want a piece of me? | Disclaimer

[13 Aug 2003|05:39pm]

i've had like, 28 opportunities to sit down with you and be serious about how i feel about you. but i've let them all pass, mostly because i'm a fucker. i think you know me well enough to know that the sweetest thing was not just a movie, it's my life. i want that ending. i dream about that ending.

i don't know what to say besides i'm passing you the ball, it's in your court. stop by and we can not only have pantsless office chair races, but we can talk as E and C, and you know i'm not even sure how you feel about this, but to show you how serious i am, i'm putting it all out for everyone to see at the risk of getting shot down. but being shot down by you would be worth it, because well, you're E. reply here if you want, or call me, or IM me, or whatever is most convenient. i'll wait however long it takes.

16 got fucked up | You want a piece of me? | Disclaimer

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